Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
