Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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