Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
