This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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