they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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