Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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