allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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