if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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