i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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