Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
