OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
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