she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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