we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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