Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize