If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
