im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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