This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
