wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
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