I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
