I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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