thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
