can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
There's always time for handjobs
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize