I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
