just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
did i just pee glitter
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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