last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize