yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
