Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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