You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
