Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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