she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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