So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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