I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
