Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
