Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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