It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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