hell yes lets make some ravioli
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
