How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
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