If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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