u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
