Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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