wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
