just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
