she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize