The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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