you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
