my room smells like sperm. sweet.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Actions speak louder than pants.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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