just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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