I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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