Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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