After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
It's never too late to be topless.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
