omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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