did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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