He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
