i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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