Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
