this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
