Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize