just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
