Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
