The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Randomize
